Wednesday, December 25, 2013

Crawl! no.9: The Arwich Grinder, coming soon!

Cat's out of the bag. It's finished. But you'll have to wait a few weeks. We'll count on +Mario Torres+Daniel Bishop and +Sean Poppe to drop a few teasers until it gets its general release around January 17th. Of course there are perks to being a subscriber, they get their copy first! I made a small run to make that happen, but I just happen to have a couple extras that I'm willing to send before I go on my trip. Since it's Christmas, and I'm feeling generous (but still pretty sick), I'll make it easy. I'll pick one random commenter and another who can humor me with their secret remedy for common cold symptoms. You have until Noon, PST, December 26th.


  1. Steep a mug of tea made from artic thyme, ice moss, and a pinch of trolls foot in fresh spring water found in the dwarven hills of Thokral. Followup three days after with a visit to Tenkars Tavern.

  2. Christmas socks.

    You know, the socks you just cannot avoid getting for christmas? They actually serve a purpose.

    Put a pair on your feet. They should be less cold now.
    Put another pair on your feet. They should be getting toasty.
    Put another pair on your feet. This should be difficult to do, and your feet will probably start sweating.
    Put another pair over those other three pairs. This may require some serious work. Your feet will be sweating and uncomfortable.
    Put another pair over those. You may need assistance. Your feet should start to cramp at this point.
    One last pair. Put them on. This WILL be hard to do. You will probably start sweating everywhere, not just your feet. In fact, you probably won't notice if your feet are sweating anymore. They will probably be numb from the heavy constriction.

    Drink a bottle of gin.

    Try to wiggle your toes.

    If that doesn't work, I got nothing. But I will be laughing and you'll have made ME feel better even though I have a miserable cold too.

    1. Between yours and Capt. Bob, you guys cracked my shit up the most. I think I'm going to pick yours. I did get a bunch of Christmas socks, but I actually LIKE stupid socks, so I win! You win! I have your snaddy on file, so I'll be shooting a copy your way!

  3. Hey man, sorry you're sick.

    I'd recommend Mexican Coffee. It has no known curative effects, but you will feel better for sure. There are lots of recipes, this is just one:

  4. I suggest any of the following:

    1. Hot toddy
    2. White willow and peppermint tea

    1. My dice say you're the winner of the RANDOM selection! Please send me your snail-mail address before Saturday.

      rev.dak at

  5. S&S.

    Saunas & Sudafed.

    Sweat it out.

    [ Not sure how a string of numbers proves I'm not a robot. ]

  6. Bee Stings help. (one shot of Jaegermeister floated on one shot of Baeren-Jaeger) repeat as necessary. You will feel like hell the next morning at which point you will need lots of water and some aspirin. I would recommend at least four bee stings that should put you in a good coma like state and let you sweat it out overnight. If that does not work see your pharmacist for the good Sudafed cold and sinus medicine that is kept behind the counter.

  7. To prevent common cold symptoms avoid contact with other human beings.
    Once infected, wait.

  8. Curing the "Common Cold" is remarkably difficult. It is said that, left alone, a cold will last with 14 days. With treatment, a cold will only last 2 weeks. Still...there *IS* a way...

    (All apologies to Shel Silverstein)

    "There is a land beyond the sun that's known as Zabolee. A wretched land of stone and sand, where snakes and buzzards scream, And in this devil's garden blooms the mystic Tzutzu tree.

    Now, once every ten years it blooms one flower, as white as laughter is pure,
    And he who eats of the Tzutzu flower shall know the perfect cure. Now the rush comes on like a tidal wave...hits like the blazin' sun. And the cure? It lasts forever, and the sniffles don't never come.

    But, Zabolee Land is ruled by a giant, who stands twelve cubits high, And with eyes of red in his hundred heads, he awaits the passer-by. And you must slay the red-eyed giant, and swim the river of slime, Where the mucous beasts await to feast on those who journey by. And if you slay the giant and beasts, and swim the slimy sea, There's a blood-drinking witch who sharpens her teeth as she guards the Tzutzu tree."

    Conan! What is Best in Life?
    To Enter the funnel
    See the zeros driven before you
    And read of their CRAWL!

  9. Not my humor...but one of my faves.

    My cure for the common cold...
    "Capital N, little y, BIG FUCK'N Q...says it may cause drowsiness; should say don't make any fucking plans..."

  10. Time's up!

    I knew that comments would be limited on Christmas, but them the breaks. I spent the rest of yesterday and until now, in bed. Yep, feel like shit. We actually pushed the flight back so I can get a couple more days rest, because flying like this WOULD HAVE SUCKED.

    Thanks guys for the remedies and poems! Now to pick the winners...

  11. Forgive the pun but the rate of publication has slowed to a crawl. It's almost June and there's only been 1 issue of Crawl this year. Any news on the next one?

    1. Man, sorry, but it'll happen. Art is in progress and writing needs to be finalized and edited. Plan is the end of June release for #10.